Good Ruck
by TraceyLPacelli
Summary: Business becomes a guilty pleasure that takes both Puck and Rachel by surprise.
1. Chapter 1

"Good Ruck" by Tracey L Pacelli

Cheesy title, right? Couldn't seem to help myself.

So, neither Rachel or Puck belong to me, but I'm hoping to prove they belong to each other. Hope you enjoy all the gooey stuff that rolls off my fingers. If you like the opener, I'll keep it going as long as I can, so feel free to sound off.

Rachel was in a funk she couldn't seem to get out of, this time. Not even singing helped. She had dragged both her dads into the living-room, set up her makeshift stage and had just performed a lilting Streisand number—_The Way We Were_-to great, thundering applause. Really, could she have received anything other than undying praise from her adoring dads?

Despite the glowing kudos, and assurances that she was the most gifted songbird on earth, she still felt the weight of sadness squeezing her dry. Losing Finn to any cheerleader was bad enough, but this particular one had and always would be her sworn enemy from cradle to casket.

That red-headed witch, Kara, had Finn wrapped around her bony fingers and was positively squeezing the life out of him. How could he be so fooled by her amateurish, evil plots? Okay, this was Finn we were talking about, not some nuclear physicist, splitting the atom, but still…Rachel would swear on a stack of Mercedes' church bibles that Finn had actually become smarter since she'd met him—thanks to her brainy influence, no doubt. And, a better dancer too, even. Well, definitely somewhat smarter, anyway.

"What's the matter, Sweat Pea?" her dad who had a special fondness for plaid leisure wear asked. "You seem off kilter."

Dad number two, the perpetual perky one, who had no tolerance for unhappiness suggested his baby pick another tune, one more upbeat. "How about come on get happy?' he suggested.

Rachel had to admit, an encore was tempting, but with a firm stamp of her bunny clad foot, she answered, "It's no use. I can't ever be happy again. Not until I can find a way to get Finn Back."

Perky dad gasped at the thought that his little Streisand could be so miserable and racked his brain for a suitable solution to her troubles, while his plaid partner tapped on his bald head and waited for the universe to tap back an answer.

Rachel stared expectantly at them both through the awkward silence that hung in the air like a wet blanket. She started to exit stage left, and make a run for her room, feeling more depressed than ever, when her dads suddenly shouted in unison, stopping her in her fluffy animal tracks. "Find someone to make him jealous," they squealed.

She loved them both ridiculously much, but really, was that the best they could come up with? Still the idea was strangely compelling, somehow. While she twirled the possibilities around in her head, searching for viable candidates, she started making mental lists of all the traits her fake boyfriend needed to possess. He'd have to be hot, popular, smart, funny, he'd have to attend her school, and be crazy about her, someone who would be willing to wipe wet slushie off her face on a weekly, no daily basis, or pick eggshells from her hair, on the rare occasion. Of course, he'd have to be in absolute awe of her talent—why wouldn't he be?—and he'd have to despise that red-headed witch too and be willing to plot against Kara, for the good of all. In her mind, there was no one better for Finn than herself, and she felt utterly lost and alone without him, in a really dramatically, theatrical way.

But if she could find a guy with all those above-mentioned qualities, why would she even need Finn at all, she realized. No one like that existed in the world, let alone in her school. Someday, when she shined her light on Broadway, there'd be legions of hotties she could choose from, but for now…

"You've got someone in mind, don't you, Sweet Pea?" plaid dad said, seeing the determined twinkle he knew so well.

"Yes, I do, Dad…only…"

"What is it?" perky dad asked.

"Do you have a hundred dollars I can borrow?" she asked sheepishly.

The look of shock and outrage, respectively, on her dads' faces told her she'd have to work hard to sell this particular scheme. They simply couldn't accept the fact that not everyone got how special she was, and that her only option was to buy herself a hot boyfriend to make Finn jealous. There was really only one person who qualified. And she knew Puck's asking price would be at least one hundred dollars, if not more. But she simply had to have him.


	2. Chapter 2

Your feedback rocks. Thanks for following. It's a tough haitus for us Gleeks; that's why fan fiction is so great. Hope I can keep you on the line with ch. 2. Don't hesitate to let me know how I'm doing.

Chapter 2 – "K-dar"

Rachel confidently strode into school, working her man-tailored vest, crisp white shirt and—oh jeez, a yellow and pink paisley clip-on tie. Fortunately for her, she was stopped dead in her tracks by the fashion police.

Kurt had just returned to McKinley high, and not a moment too soon. One look at Rachel had him rolling his eyes and clucking his tongue. A moment's hesitation suggested he was willing to let her stew in her wardrobe disaster, but there was something about the purposeful glint in Rachel's star-studded eye that told him there was a serious plan underfoot. And Kurt figured he was the first line of defense to stop her from whatever misguided action she was about to take.

"Come with me if you want to live," he said as he grabbed her forcibly by the arm and yanked her into the bathroom.

"What are you doing, Kurt? This is the girl's room," she pointed out. "No boys allowed."

"Between the two of us, Rachel, I think you're the one who doesn't belong in here. What's with the psychedelic man-suit, and what are you up to?"

"Who says I'm up to anything?" she replied coyly.

Kurt sighed. With Rachel it was never easy. "Just tell me who you're targeting."

He waited what felt like an eternity while Rachel planted her square heels firmly on top of some wet toilet paper, and remained silent.

"Okay fine, don't tell me. But so help me, if it's Mercedes…"

"It's not Mercedes."

"Then whose solo are you jacking this time?"

Rachel tried to escape, for all the good it did her. What Kurt lacked in bulk, he made up for in quickness. Before she could dart to the door, he was already there, blocking her exit. "Is it Quinn?"

Clearly exasperated, she wrestled with her tight collar, as she tried to take a fortifying breath. "How do guys wear these suffocating things?" she mumbled.

"I really wouldn't know," he replied, deadpan. "But I do know you're not leaving till I find out who you're scheming against."

"Look, Kurt, I'm not admitting to you that I'm up to anything, but if I were, who says it's about a song. Maybe I'm dressed like this because I thought a certain someone might like it."

"Oh come on, Rachel, you don't actually think you're going to hook Finn in a getup like that."

Rachel turned her head away, a sure sign he'd hit the bulls eye.

Kurt shook his head. "It's no use, I happen to know for a fact that Finn is really into Kara right now, and even if he weren't, his tastes run toward cheerleaders not Victor Victoria."

"Don't you think I know that? But since I refuse to join the cheerleading squad on moral feminists grounds, I thought I'd find another surefire way to get Finn back. I'm going to make him jealous."

"Okay, Rachel, I think I need a GPS to find my way through this crazy maze of a plan. How is dressing like Madonna on crack going to make Finn jealous?"

Could he really be this dim? she briefly wondered. "I'm not dressing for Finn, it's Puck I want to attract."

This wasn't registering at all. And then suddenly the bathroom door flew open, hitting Kurt on the back of the head, just hard enough to make him finally see the light of day.

"I get it! You want Puck to be interested in you to make Finn jealous," he whispered, so the others who just entered wouldn't overhear.

"Yes," she whispered back. "So now you know everything and you agree this is a good plan, don't you?"

"Yes and no. The suit is actually a very inspired idea. Puck loves a sexy girl who can test the boundaries. The only problem is, you don't look sexy."

"I don't?" she pouted.

"Well, maybe now you do. My advice is, keep the pout and lose the tie."

Rachel actually found herself very grateful to Kurt. Truth was, she needed all the help she could get, and Kurt was not only a fashionista, but a pretty good observer of human psychology. "So now you think this will work?" she asked, as she ripped off her tie and handed it to him.

Kurt handled it gingerly, like it was some sort of toxic waste, and flushed it down the toilet. He then instructed her to unbutton several of her buttons that led down to her black vest and stood back to observe the full affect. "I think not only is this a great plan, Rachel, but I think it has infinite possibilities."

Rachel sauntered out of the girl's bathroom feeling radiantly confident and happy for the first time in months. If only she had realized she was trailing toilet paper behind her.

As for Kurt, he was still lingering in the girl's bathroom, and he might've stayed longer, if it weren't for the evil stares and verbal smackdowns he was receiving from some of the girls who were in there, bathing themselves in sweet perfume and applying makeup. Kurt had always felt more comfortable in a ladies room, than anywhere else on earth. As a young toddler, he had wonderful memories of his mom taking him in tow to some of the nicest bathrooms in town.

"See ya around ladies," he smiled on his way out. These days, Kurt had much to smile about. He was back where he belonged, but with a new attitude this time, and a new boyfriend. Because he was so wonderfully happy, he wanted everyone else around him to be happy too. And that included Rachel—for some odd reason.

He had said that her plan had infinite possibilities, and that was true. But he hadn't meant it in the way she'd thought or hoped for. Kurt didn't see any sort of real future with Rachel and Finn. But, he did see the possibilities of a Rachel and Puck hookup. He always thought those two had an inexplicable chemistry that just required some kindling to ignite a bonfire. Kurt was sure of it, and he always had this way of knowing what worked with what. It wasn't Gaydar, exactly. It was his own unique K-dar system.


	3. Chapter 3

Merry Christmas to all. Here's my gift that I hope you'll enjoy—and, by all means, re-gift it!

As always, all feedback is appreciated…And feel free to find me at: "timewarped dot net," my new website in progress.

"Wardrobe Malfunction of Epic Proportions"

Armed with a dangerous pout and a deadly modified man-suit, Rachel was the embodiment of a lethal weapon, ready to fire on one unsuspecting bad-boy rebel. She strutted her stuff into homeroom, but her face immediately fell when she saw Puck was nowhere to be seen. She should've known.

Her homeroom teacher, lately referred to as "Mad-Eye Moody," had walked into the cafeteria two months ago, right into the line of fire. She was hit with a high-flying spit ball, that was rumored to have been launched from Puck's straw. Nothing had ever been proven, of course. But just the same, it seemed Puck had decided to ditch class as often as he could, at least until Mrs. Moody's eye infection had cleared.

So now, Rachel would have to go the whole day dressed like James Bond, and feeling so awkward in her siren suit. How she longed for one of her comfy knit sweaters from Filene's Bargain Basement. It would have gone a long way to erasing the sinking feeling that this day was about to get worse.

She was right. As Rachel made her way to her desk, one of her dependable square heels cracked and a wobbly ankle gave way. As she went down, she caught a glimpse of Finn with this pitying look of horror stamped on his features, and Kara—who was practically in his lap—cackling at her.

Rising off the floor, a button that had the vital job of keeping Rachel's ill-fitting, polka dot push-up bra hidden from view, popped off her plunging shirt, and the entire class caught a quick glimpse of the girls behind the curtain. This was a wardrobe malfunction of epic proportions.

Finn's athletic reflexes kicked into gear, before any videos could be taken, and he covered her quickly with his girlfriend's hoodie.

"Hey, that's my jacket!" Kara squeeled.

"She'll give it back to you later," Finn admonished.

"Forget it. She can keep it. There isn't enough soap in the world that could wash off HER koodies."

"Thanks," Rachel whispered to Finn, as she stared up into those sweet, familiar eyes. It was hard for her to contain the glee that was bubbling up inside her. He did still care, she thought.

He then said more harshly than the situation warranted, "What were you thinking? You look ridiculous! Are you purposely trying to embarrass me, Rachel?"

"How am I embarrassing you?"

"Come on, we went out. That means everything you do reflects on me. All I'm asking is for you to try and be a little more cool, all right? Life's hard enough."

Okay, maybe winning Finn back was going to take more work than she'd first realized. But somewhere, buried deep below the shame, she knew he still had feelings for her and he was still her hero.

Rachel looked over Finn's shoulder and saw the witch's satisfied smile, larger than life, and she could feel the heat of embarrassment rising to her face. But that wasn't the worst of it.

Moody shot Rachel an evil eye, and marched her straight into Principal Figgins' office. But before they exited, Rachel gripped her open shirt tightly in one hand and threw Kara's jacket back at her with the other, with a force that nearly took off her red head in the process. It was now Rachel's turn to smile.

Once inside the lion's den, Principal Figgins pointed her toward his hot-seat. "This is a new direction even for you, Miss Berry. What's this all about?"

She knew her shirt was revealing, but frankly she didn't see what all the fuss was about. Her assets were nothing compared to some others, like say a Santana or a Brittany.

"I'm experimenting with my look," she lied. "This school doesn't deter self expression, does it?"

"This is not self expression, young lady. This is…"

"Moral degradation at its worst, Principal Figgins." Coach Sylvester, who was never at a loss for words, stood in the doorway with her prisoner in tow. It was Puck.

"I caught him loitering in my office," she explained.

"You said I could ditch homeroom, as long as I helped you," he defended.

"That's a lie…And I'll swear to it in open court. I merely suggested I was in great need of a temporary slave, as Becky has recently come down with the dreaded kissing disease: Mononucleosis."

"How on earth did she get that?" Figgins asked.

"You're looking at the reason right here," Sue accused. "I caught those two smooching in my office only yesterday."

"Mr. Puckerman, explain yourself," Figgins ordered.

Rachel was incredulous.

"Fine, I kissed her," Puck said, digging his hands into his front pockets. "But only because she asked me to. I didn't enjoy it or anything."

"Then why did you do it, Noah?' Figgins asked.

Puck shrugged. "She said all her life, she's never been kissed by a boy, and that she never would be. You should've seen her sad little face."

"I see," Figgins answered, somewhat sympathetically.

Rachel had to admit she was touched by the gesture as well.

"With all due respect, Principal Figgins', I don't understand what you can see. Puck has soiled that young lady. He's taken her innocence and he needs to be punished," Sylvester screamed.

"Did you know, Mr. Puckerman, that you had Mono at the time?" Figgins asked.

"I don't have the kissing disease or any other disease, Principal Figgins. I make it a point to protect myself, Sir, at all times."

All eyebrows raised at what seemed like such an obvious lie.

"… Except, of course, that one time," he admitted. "But I learned my lesson. I won't be getting any more girls pregnant, I promise."

"That's good enough for me. Report to your homeroom, Mr. Puckerman," Figgins declared. "And no more ditching class."

"Yes Sir," Puck agreed, but he seemed reluctant to leave, and hovered in the doorway. The entire time he had been there, he couldn't take his eyes off of Rachel. Of course, half naked girls had always been a draw for him, he had to admit. But still, this one in particular, had him lingering longer than he should have.

Rachel couldn't miss those eyes that were boring into her cleavage. And, if truth be told, there was something so dangerous about them, not to mention inviting. She knew he'd just promised never to get another girl pregnant, but she couldn't help but wonder whether that meant he was going to stop trying. Rachel dismissed the improper thought, but what she couldn't erase was the surprising attraction that went along with it.

"See you at Glee, Rachel," he said, in a voice that slid seductively under the radar.

"Yeah, later. There's something important I need to discuss with you. If you have time," she added.

"I always make time for Jew Bond," he answered. And as he strode confidently out of Figgins' office, there was a devilish smirk on his face that not even Puck was aware of.


	4. Chapter 4

Ch. 4 "Good Ruck: Sweetheart"

Valentine's day was fast approaching and Rachel Berry had all but lost her nerve. It seemed that every attempt she made to approach Puck with her proposition to make Finn jealous was thwarted by fate. Were the Gods so against her attempts to steal back her true love? She was beginning to wonder.

First, there was the man-suit debacle that landed her in Principal Figgins' office and then straight on home to change her outfit to one that was deemed more suitable. Well, suitable was never going to cut it with Puck. Santana and Puck were trading gum with one another before Glee rehearsal began, and Rachel's horse knit sweater didn't exactly gallop her into the victory circle that day.

So, it was on to plan B, which consisted of using her lustrous locks to win Puck over. She'd seen the witch wave her curly, thick mane at Finn and wrap her Medusa tentacles around him. If Kara could do it with that bright, glowing mop of hers, then surely Rachel could seduce Puck with her Pantene-perfect hair. Only, that didn't go so well either.

Early on, in homeroom, Rachel tried on her sexy. She played with her hair, teasing it this way and that, like she'd seen Miley Cyrus do, on stage…and, well just about everywhere else, these days. And when she saw her target walk in, she readied herself for the hair whip that would leave Puck breathless. But as she went in for the windup and threw her head back, her neck somehow contorted in an unnatural way, and she wound up in a temporary neck brace.

"You're so pathetic," Quinn snapped at her in the hallway, in passing. Rachel prepared a wilting retort that unfortunately Quinn never heard, since she couldn't turn her head in time to address her.

She did, however catch up with Quinn at the cafeteria, or rather Quinn caught up with her. In fact, it became an all-out intervention of sorts, as she was flanked by her fellow glee cohorts, with the exception of Finn and Puck. Rachel frankly wasn't used to sitting at such a crowded table. And even though she was getting chewed out by all of them at once, it was still sorta nice to have the company.

"You're so freakishly weird, it's frightening," Santana spat.

"Look guys, I'm not being any more weird than usual." That didn't come out exactly right, she thought.

Kurt opened his mouth to explain, when Rachel shot him daggers.

"What's up with the eyes, Dude?" Sam asked. She looked manic, or was it desperate?

Kurt caught the warning, acknowledging it with a nod, and for a moment Rachel looked relieved that he was going to keep her secret. How little she knew Kurt. "She wants Puck to help her make Finn jealous," he blurted.

Rachel frowned and Kurt shot her a smug little grin. Did she really think she had any power over him?

"Well, that's a relief," Quinn, was the first to say.

"Yeah," Sam agreed. "I thought she might've been after me."

"What?" Rachel screamed. "I've never even sang with you, Sam!"

"Exactly! I figured it was all a part of your plan to reel me in. Let me think you don't want to do a duet with me, but in fact, you've really wanted nothing else!"

Even Kurt raised a set of dubious eyebrows at that one.

"Come on, Quinn thought so too," he defended.

All eyes turned to Quinn.

"Well, you have to admit, you have this deluded idea that you can poach any guy you like from me," she said.

"I can't believe this! Did you think I liked Sam too, Artie?" Rachel asked.

Artie had been strangely quiet the whole time, and now he looked downright depressed. "I was sort of hoping it was me you were after."

"I don't get it," Brittany said. "How can Rachel ever be with Finn when she belongs with Puck?"

All eyes were now on Brittany.

"What are you, some skinhead or something, Brittany?" Rachel asked, clearly shocked and seemingly appalled by her inference. "You think just because Puck and I are both Jewish that we belong together? If that were true then I would belong with Jacob too!"

Brittany felt her scalp to make sure it wasn't skinned. "Jacob is Jewish?" Brittney asked, with much confusion, turning to Artie for assistance.

"I tend to think of him as more of a pervert than anything else," he explained.

Brittany nodded her agreement and smiled at her oh-so-intelligent boyfriend. "Come on, I thought it was obvious how right the two of you are together. I don't care if you're both circumsised or not.

"Do you even know what circumsised means, Brittany?" Rachel asked her.

"No…I just know it was invented in Israel along with bagels and accountants."

"Come on, we're getting way off track here. Now that we know Rachel isn't after my boyfriend, I think we should help her."

Rachel had only just gotten her brace off, and was in danger of reinjuring her neck as she whipped her head around to stare incredulously at Quinn. "You want to help me?"

"Sure. And then you'll owe me."

"What could I possibly ever do for you?" she asked.

"Oh, I have something in mind. But I'll tell you when I'm ready," Quinn replied cryptically. "For now let's just concentrate on getting Puck to ask you to the Sweetheart's dance."

"He already asked me," Santana seethed.

"And I happen to know your answer was maybe," Quinn replied.

"That's always my answer with Puck, right before we DO IT." Santana directed that last bit right at Rachel.

"But you told me you've never actually hit the sheets with Puck. You just want people to think that," Brittney pointed out.

Santana balled a fist at her on-again, off-again significant other. "You know you're really lucky Artie puts up with you, Brittany."

"Why would you pretend to have intimate relations with Puck? And more importantly, why would Puck let everyone believe you had?" Rachel asked.

"It's called being a guy," Sam informed her.

"Look it's none of anyone's business why Puck didn't hit this," Santana said, pointing at her ample assets. "But that doesn't mean I've given up on trying. Puck's going to the dance with me, and that's that. So, find a new guy, for that lame plan of yours."

Quinn seldom got in Santana's face, but she'd always known if she had to confront her, that tough girl bravado of Santana's would dissolve like sand. When it came down to it, Santana respected the cheerleading hierarchy where Quinn had always reigned supreme. "You're not going with Puck, Santana. Rachel is. So, go find yourself some love slave to escort you to the dance," she said, hands on hips.

"Fine!" she bellowed, and in moments she found herself other options. She'd made short work of zeroing in on a male target, and shoved a freshman cheerleader off the cafeteria bench, sending her flying on her buttress. In minutes, the eligible first string defensive back, the girl had previously been flirting with, was now asking Santana to the dance.

"Okay, Puck is free, but that doesn't mean he's yours. I think you're going to have to come up with some kind of payment plan to get him to go along with this. Two hundred dollars should do it," Quinn said.

"All I have is fifty," Rachel replied weakly.

"Well guys, time to ante up," Quinn said to the others.

Everyone shrugged their shoulders.

"Come on, we're still losers," Artie said. "None of us have any money."

"You don't need money," Mercedes chimed in. "All you need is what God gave you, girl. Be sexy."

"I've already tried that," Rachel said. "My revealing outfit got me detention for a week."

"That's because you weren't using the right kind of sexy," Mercedes said.

"Huh?" Rachel replied, along with the others.

"Everyone's so stupid," Brittany giggled.

Mercedes ignored her. "I'm talking about your voice, Rachel. Turn that Siren of yours on high volume and Puck won't be requiring your cash to take you to the Sweethearts Dance. He'll be begging you to go with him."

"Oh!" came the unified cry of understanding.

"That was pure genius, Mercedes," Kurt cheered.

"Why didn't I think of that?" Rachel said.

Artie whispered, "You knew she was going to say that, didn't you?"

"No," she whispered back. "I thought she was going to make a porno."

"I'll do it! And I know just the song," Rachel exclaimed.

"Forget it," Quinn interrupted. "You have no taste. I'll be picking the song. And if it doesn't get Puck in your corner, then I'll give you Sam for the dance," she said confidently.

"Don't I have any say in this?" Sam asked.

"No," she answered. "Now let's get rehearsing."

Okay, that's it for today. Hope I've left you wanting more. Oh, and Thx for the reviews and alerts! Much obliged…

Feel free to check me out on facebook under my name or go to www dot timewarped dot net for info on my new teen novel to be published in the next few months! Woohoo.


	5. Chapter 5

Finally, a little Puckleberry interaction. What took me so long? Thx, as always, for all the views & great feedback. Soooo grateful! I'm going to try and keep to a weekly/Sunday writing schedule.

Ch. 5 - "Good Ruck: Wicked Game"

Thanks to Quinn, Rachel strode into Glee Club with a song that would appeal to any man with a pulse. Mr. Schu had already announced that in honor of the approaching Valentine's day holiday, today's mike would be open to anyone wanting to express their inner Cupid.

The moment he opened up the floor to volunteers, Rachel's hand lept into the air ahead of all the others. She credited her lightning reflexes to years of interactive Jeopardy with her dads. She'd become so quick with the home buzzers plaid dad had made that she soon excelled in every class where class participation counted heavily in the grading process.

"Wow, Rachel, such an eager response," Mr. Schu said, clearly impressed. "I take it you've prepared a song for us in keeping with our Valentine Day's theme."

"Yes, Mr. Schuster," she began to say a little too enthusiastically, until she caught the admonishing glance from Quinn, and immediately made a course correction. "I mean, I'm suddenly feeling this overpowering...URGE come over me to sing something special...and completely unrehearsed."

Mercedes shook her head at Rachel's overemphasis on _"urge."_ She was trying way too hard.

Quinn's face was blank. She had a serious lack of confidence in Rachel's ability to bring sexy back, but was reserving her judgment for now, waiting to see if Rachel would perform their very rehearsed song better than she had in practice. Rachel hadn't a clue how to own her sexuality and manipulate it to win anyone over. But Quinn did her best to show her the ropes. Whether the moves, that came naturally to Quinn, had made any lasting impression on Rachel still remained to be seen.

Rachel's legs shook violently on her way to the floor. Funny, this was the first time, she noted, that she'd ever truly been nervous performing for others. She'd always known how amazing a talent she was, but this performance had nothing to do with star power and everything to do with seduction. Could she pull it off?

"Rachel so cannot pull this off," Santana whispered to Brittany, while shaking her bottled water for emphasis.

"Of course she can pull it off," she snickered. "It's just a twistie," she added, and demonstrated her point by turning the cap on the water bottle till it opened, spraying Santana in the face.

"Thanks so much, Brittany," she flared.

"Girls," Mr. Schu warned. "Rachel is ready to perform. A little respect is in order here."

"So sorry, Mr. Schu," Santana quipped. "I didn't realize that stupid look on her face meant she was ready."

And it was true, Rachel registered with shock. The bulging eyes and gaping mouth she wore reminded her of the unforgettable Ronald McDonald appearance at her pre-school. To make matters worse, nothing was coming out of her throat when she tried to speak. Another first.

"Rachel are you feeling all right?" Mr. Schu asked tentatively. "You're looking sort of green."

Oh, great, Finn was staring too, only in a more disgusted way. "She looks like she's going to hurl!" he shouted.

Oh no, she thought. My pulse is quickening, my stomach is tightening and the school's unidentified veggie surprise was beginning to reveal itself in a way that was causing vile to rise in her throat. Finn was right, she was about to regurgitate her still undigested lunch. And with Puck sitting front and center right before her, it would probably shoot straight into the lap of the guy she was trying so hard to impress most, right now.

Rachel allowed herself a quick glance Quinn's way and saw the irritation plainly visible. All the precious time she had devoted to her was about to be flushed down the toilet, unceremoniously. No, mustn't think toilet, just now. Must be sexy, she chided. She needed an image, some sexy example to follow. And it came, unbidden, in the form of Elvis. Having nothing else to go on, she curled her upper lip just like him, remembering how sexy the rocker was to a whole nation of over-sexed teeny boppers.

"Now she looks like she's having a stroke," Artie commented, quietly to his girlfriend.

"Wow, she's such a good actress," Brittany replied with unconcealed admiration. "I could never make my face do all that,"

For once, Mr. Schu was at a loss. He knew he should probably call in the school nurse, at this point, but there was something so compelling about Rachel's predicament that made him just stand there and gape along with the others.

And then, at the height of Rachel's humiliation, something miraculous happened. Her background music began playing, and she could feel its sultry vibrations coursing through her.

Rachel opened her mouth to sing, and a sexy siren of unfathomable proportions released itself from her inner being. It was then that Rachel caught Puck quietly slipping back into his seat. He was the one who had taken control of her tumultuous situation, she realized, and had switched on her music, and seemingly her soul, along with it.

The words that poured forth from _Wicked Game_, flowed from her sensual lips directly into Puck's waiting ears, and Rachel delivered them to him as if they were the only two in the room.

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you.

It's strange what desire will make foolish people do.

I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you.

And I never dreamed that I knew somebody like you.

Rachel's body flowed with the music so effortlessly, she felt herself rising and falling on a tide that was quickly sweeping her away.

Puck's eyes rode the waves and reflected the desire right back at her with such an intensity it nearly stole the breath from Rachel's lungs.

In all her life, Rachel had never felt more like a woman, completely held in the grips of her own primitive sexuality. Was it possible that Puck could stir such animalistic emotions within her? No...it had to be the music...or maybe even Cupid, himself, she theorized.

Either way, mission accomplished.

Upon the last note of her song, a reverent silence filled the room that touched everyone in it, including Mr. Schu. Even Kurt was fanning himself.

"Wow, Rachel...that was really amazing," Mr. Schu pronounced. "I frankly didn't know you had it in you."

Rachel barely heard him because her eyes were still fastened on Puck's. In her peripheral vision she managed to register Quinn's ecstatic approval, but right now that didn't seem to matter so much. What did, was Puck's smoldering eyes and the proud expression he was radiating.

Slowly, almost as if they'd been in a cheesy Twilight movie, they sauntered toward one another, while everyone else was still chattering away about her performance.

And then, just as they finally reached each other, she heard a strong voice issue the invitation she had hoped for. "Rachel, will you go to the Sweetheart's Dance with me?"

Shockingly, it was Finn, not Puck, doing the asking.

Somehow his large body had sandwiched itself between Rachel and Puck, at the last minute.

"Well, will you?" Finn repeated, almost desperately.

Hope you'll stay tuned...:) Tracey www dot timewarped dot net


	6. Chapter 6

Sorry, I didn't write Sunday, as promised. Was watching Golden Globes. Did anyone else cheer when Robert Downey told Gervais off? And to think, I used to really like that guy!

"Good Ruck: Magic Mirror"

The night of The Sweetheart's Dance had finally arrived, and Rachel was brushing her hair-100 strokes precisely-in front of her magic mirror. It had been a gift on her seventh birthday from Perky Dad and she had always treasured it.

"Mirror, Mirror on the wall...did I do the right thing?" she asked it, sadly. She held her breath and pressed the worn out button that miraculously still worked.

"You are the most stunning creature in all the land," the somewhat creepy electronic voice croaked back. Not exactly the answer she was searching for, but it would have to do. After all, the magic mirror wasn't an eight ball or a gypsy. It was nothing more than an ego booster.

But right now, Rachel didn't need to be told how pretty she was. What she wanted to know most was whether she was right in demanding Finn still take her to the dance, even after he had reneged on his invitation. Or rather, after the Wicked Witch of the West calmed down from her meltdown the next day and gave Finn the ultimatum of his life. If Finn didn't tell Rachel he was only joking when he asked her to the dance, Kara would never let him ride on her broom again-or something to that affect.

So, right in front of the cheerleader from Hell, Finn told her he had only been kidding and that he already had a date to the dance.

Rachel was so humiliated, she was about to let Finn go, when Kara's satisfied cackling caused her quickly to reevaluate the situation.

"Once offered, you can never take back a Sweetheart's invitation, Finn. It's considered very bad luck," Rachel lied.

"You've got to be kidding me Berry," Kara clucked. "How desperate can a girl get? Let's get out of here, Finsey," she urged, attempting to pull him away.

Finn wasn't budging. "Wait, what do you mean bad luck?"

Rachel knew how superstitious Finn was. He had previously told her all about the Grilled Cheesus incident. And though she was impressed by the number of sheer coincidences that had precipitously occurred after he'd encountered the holy sandwich, Rachel knew in her logical heart that her boyfriend was among the superstitiously afflicted. This gave her the upper hand now, and she decided to play it for all it was worth.

Fortunately, she had a brain that could freakishly recall any student related fact instantly. As she tapped the data banks for examples she could now use to make her point, several graduates' case studies flashed through her mind.

Rachel quickly zeroed in on Paul Founderling, the varsity captain of the basketball team two years ago. He had asked Patty Reed to the Sweetheart's dance and then later took it back. The team never won another game all year, she pointed out.

"Yeah, that's right," Finn agreed.

"Stupid coincidence!" Kara dismissed.

"Really, then what about Steve Jennings on the Wrestling Team, after he dumped Tina Prescott for Laura Hemsley, Steve and his friends went cow tipping the night before the dance. Strangely enough, the cow tipped over onto Steve causing a life transforming groin injury," she said.

"Isn't Steve Jennings one of the freaky crooners in your Glee Club?" Kara asked.

"Yeah, he sings Soprano," Finn replied. "No one can hit a high note like Steve can. Not even Curt."

"Well he didn't used to, before the accident," Rachel informed him.

"Tell her, Finn, you're not buying into this crap," Kara ordered.

Finn shook his head. "I'm sorry, Kara, I have to take Rachel to the dance." His voice was tinged with fear. "One male soprano in my family is enough."

"She's making all this up!" Kara, said, stamping her foot.

"Unlike some other ginger headed girls I know, I don't lie," Rachel replied, and Finn had actually backed her up on this.

Two days later, as she sat before her magic mirror, Rachel knew she wasn't guilty of lying to Finn that day, but she had played upon his worst fears in order to be his date.

She knew she should feel happy to have this chance to win Finn back tonight, but there was something nagging at her that she tried her best to ignore. Something just wasn't entirely right with this scenario, and every time she tried to figure out what that was exactly, Puck's intense gaze somehow kept popping into her mind, blocking her thoughts.

Even as a figment of her imagination, Noah could be so disruptive, she thought. But also so incredibly kind, too. It was all so confusing. Without making any fuss at glee rehearsal, he'd swept in and saved her from scarring embarrassment and then quietly sat back down, as if he hadn't saved her very life that day. Okay, maybe not her life, but definitely her reputation. It was because of him that Finn wanted her again-if only for a few brief minutes, while she sang.

But now the song was over, and here she was looking at a complete stranger in the mirror. This wasn't Rachel Berry staring back at her, she was this freaky, morphed version of Quinn & Kara combined. Finn liked simple and pretty, so she decided that the only way to win him back was to give him exactly what he liked.

Rachel had studied these girls' looks carefully and copied their style to a tee. For the dance, she wore her hair up with soft curls dangling, and held together with a headband, laced with baby's breath. Her dress was pale pink and made of a fine jersey that hugged her curves, while at the same time appeared modest and ultra feminine.

The consummate actress, Rachel channeled Finn's girlfriends so completely, that she practically floated out her bedroom door and greeted Finn in her living room with a voice that was soft, alluring, and completely not her own.

Finn became instantly tongue tied, his mouth gaping open as he took in the angelic sight that flew toward him with such ethereal grace.

Her fathers did not seem as impressed, but wore frowns of disappointment. Plaid dad called her into the kitchen, while Perky dad regaled Finn with details of past sweetheart dances he'd attended, causing Finn to visibly squirm.

In the kitchen, Plaid dad removed a box from the fridge that contained a pink carnation and attached it with loving care to her wrist.

"Sweat Pea, what was wrong with the dress your father and I bought you?"

"I absolutely love it, dad, and I promise you it won't go to waste. I plan on wearing it to my very first cast party on broadway. It was just a little too Burlesque and I was going more for Great Gatsby. It's what Finn likes," she added, her head slightly lowered as she revealed her motives to him.

Her dad tipped her chin up and looked into the expressive eyes he loved so well.

"I get it," he smiled. "But you know, sooner or later, you gotta leave the stage, remove the costume and makeup and let the real you shine through. If Finn can't appreciate the beauty beneath the facade, then maybe you're not with the right guy."

"You're wrong, Dad. Finn is everything to me, and I'm going to be everything to him. He may not see the real me now, but he will. With Finn, you just have to appeal to the outside first, before he can see what's beneath it."

Her dad sighed. "Okay, you play it your way sweet pea. I just want you to have fun."

Have fun? she thought. Her life had never been about that. It was always about reaching goals, and upon attaining them, she'd focus on setting new ones. Not once did having fun every enter it. "I'll try to have fun, dad," she replied.

"You do that. It's what life's all about."

Rachel cocked her head strangely. "You've never told me that before."

"Until now, you've never needed to hear it," he replied.

OOOOO

Finn had so far been the perfect date and she had felt like some storybook princess. They had piled into a limo and sat beside three other couples who were friends with Finn on the football team.

For once, Rachel felt completely normal and accepted by everyone.

"Wow, Rachel, I almost didn't recognize you. You look amazing," one of the girls had said to her.

"Yeah, amazing," another agreed.

Finn took in all the compliments with pride, and placed a possessive arm around his girl.

Rachel smiled brightly and thought, "My plan is working so brilliantly. Finn will definitely be mine again before the night's over."

"You having fun?" Finn whispered in her ear.

There was that word again. Why was everyone so obsessed with it.

Before she could answer, they pulled up to the school. Finn escorted his date out of the car, behind the others. Someone called his name. He turned, and saw it was Kara and she was crying.

"Please, Finn, can I speak to you just one minute?" she asked in a voice so defeated it melted Finn's heart.

"Rachel, I'll just be a minute," he said, leaving her there. "I'll be right back."

Rachel stood awkwardly beside the limo, waiting for Finn to return. The minutes ticked on, and she started to get nervous he wasn't coming back. And then she heard a voice calling out to her. "Rachel!"

It was Finn, and he sounded strange, like he was in trouble. Without thinking, Rachel ran quickly to the voice that sounded like it was near the dumpster. Did someone throw Finn in there? she wondered.

She lifted up the lid and peered inside. No one there. And then, all it once, she was lifted into the air by several practiced hands-cheerleaders she'd suspected-and hurtled inside the dumpster.

The lid was replaced and Rachel was alone in the bin, in the dark, with all the horrible debris.

To Finn's credit, he spent the next half hour looking for his date, but was then told by one of Kara's friends, whom she'd instructed, that Rachel had gotten sick with some stomach bug and had gone home.

"Oh, that's too bad," he said, and went back into the school with Kara.

Puck had been standing behind Finn when he received the news that Rachel had gone home sick. His bull meter sounded loudly, and he knew something was definitely rotten at McKinley high. No, not rotten, but maybe rotting in the dumpster where bullies liked to throw out what they considered to be trash. He outta know, he'd tossed plenty of human refuse, himself, into that very dumpster.

OOOOO

Rachel wasn't sure if it was fear, self-loathing, or the rotten onions surrounding her that was making her cry. Probably all three, she suspected. At any rate, the tears fell in streams, and her sobs were now sounding quite desperate.

She began to pray for rescue and in her delirium she imagined a fetching white knight in sanitation overhauls lifting up the lid and saving her from asphyxiation. Was it possible to die from cafeteria remains? Given this school's menu, she imagined it was.

Rachel removed a sticky banana peel from her face and started to choke on its rotten smell.

"Rachel is that you coughing up school sludge?" a muffled voice was asking her.

Her white night sanitation worker had arrived. It was Finn, she was sure!

_OOOOO_

_The suspense continues. Stay tuned. If anyone is interested, I've got free audio up on my site (www dot time warped dot net) of weekly chapters entitled, "Diaries of an Angry Midget." Everyone who subscribes to it on my web page will be thrown into a raffle for a free professional-one hour-astrology reading. Pretty cool, huh? Hope you'll check it out._


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